What is Matrescence? The Transformation No One Talks About

When we talk about life transitions, everyone has experienced adolescence - that messy, hormonal, identity-shifting time between childhood and adulthood that we all have the cringey memories of. But have you ever heard of matrescence?

It’s the brilliant concept introduced in the 1970s by anthropologist Dana Raphael and then revived recently by Dr Aurelie Athan at Columbia University. Matrescence is the word used to describe the equally powerful (and often overwhelming) transformation that happens when a woman becomes a mother.

And yet... most of us have never been told about it, let alone prepared for it.

What is Matrescence?

Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother - physically, emotionally, socially, and psychologically. Just like adolescence, it’s not a single event, but a ongoing season of transition that reshapes who you are.

When you have a baby, it’s not just your body that changes. Your identity shifts. Your relationships evolve. Your confidence wobbles. You suddenly find yourself navigating an entirely new version of life - and often, an entirely new version of you. Oh, and you also have to care for an entirely dependent small human.

During matrescence, every layer of you is evolving, all at once. This transformation is powerful, but also messy, disorienting, and often invisible to others. We’re conditioned to celebrate the baby’s milestones, not the major changes the mother is navigating. 

And with those major changes comes the major side-effects, physically, emotionally and mentally. As a snapshot, here are just a few of the major changes going on:

• Physically, your hormones, sleep patterns, body shape and energy change.
  

• Emotionally, you expand to hold more love, empathy, and worry than you thought possible.
  

• Socially, relationships and priorities shift - friendships evolve, partnerships recalibrate.
  

• Mentally, your focus and identity reorient around what matters most and your self-concept redefines.
  

• Spiritually, your sense of purpose and meaning deepens and shifts your worldview.
  

What It Feels Like

If you’ve ever thought things like:

• “I love being a mum, but I miss me.”
  

• “I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
  

• “This is the most rewarding and the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
  

• “I adore my kids, but sometimes I just need a break.”
  

…then you’ve experienced matrescence.

It’s the dichotomy of motherhood: the greatest blessing and the biggest challenge, all wrapped up together. It’s the seemingly impossible explanation of feeling two completely opposing emotions, desires and thoughts often at the same time. 

And this is just one piece of the motherhood puzzle and doesn’t even include the demands of the baby. Which is often why it is completely forgotten and overlooked.

Why Naming It Matters

For many women, the hardest part isn’t the sleepless nights, the constant guessing games of what each cry means or the endless to-do lists (though they are a pretty close second) - it’s the loss of identity.

When no one names what you’re going through, it can feel like something is “wrong” with you for struggling. And without the language to communicate it, we don’t talk about it, furthering those feelings of isolation and confusion. But the truth is, nothing is wrong with you, you’re not broken and most importantly you’re not experiencing it alone. Whether they have been able to use the “right” words or not, every single mother has experienced a version of matrescence.

Just like we expect teenagers to go through growing pains, mood swings, and identity struggles in adolescence, mothers go through their own version in matrescence. Naming it makes it normal and that changes everything.

Why It Shows Up Differently for Everyone

Matrescence doesn’t follow a neat timeline, every woman’s matrescence looks and feels different.
It can begin during pregnancy, intensify after birth, resurface when your child starts school, or even when they leave home. 

For some, it’s subtle and internal. For others, it’s loud and messy. It’s influenced by your personality, support systems, birth experience, culture, career, and the quiet expectations you’ve absorbed about what a “good mother” should be. That’s why it’s important to approach this season with curiosity, not comparison.

But, no matter how it’s showing up for you, the common thread is change. 

The Gap No One Talks About

Here’s the truth: there’s a huge gap between being “totally fine” and experiencing a clinical diagnosis like postpartum depression.

Too many mothers fall into that gap (and in my experience it’s most mothers). They’re not unwell, but they’re not thriving either. They’re just surviving. Getting by juggling the demands of new parenthood, household duties, relationship dynamic shifts, the constant work life balance and then this internalised unseen conflict of matrescence. And they’re often told to just “enjoy every moment”, “be grateful,” or “it goes by so fast”, which only makes the guilt worse.

This is the gap where support matters most. Where perspective shifts, compassionate coaching, and practical tools can make the difference between feeling lost and starting to head down the path of a more serious diagnosis like postpartum depression… and finding yourself again, having self compassion and recognising that what you’re experiencing is both real and universal.

Moving Through the Transformation

Matrescence isn’t about going back to who you were before kids. Don’t even get me started on the toxic “bounce back” culture that has single-handedly undermined the miraculous and life-changing event of motherhood (I’ve written about it HERE). It’s about growing forward into who you’re becoming.

That might mean:

• Rebuilding your identity and confidence.
  

• Learning to embrace both the challenges and joys.
  

• Finding small, everyday practices that reconnect you with yourself.
  

• Allowing yourself to expand, as a mother and as a woman.
  

Motherhood is a metamorphosis. It’s a Mothermorphosis. It’s a big fucking deal and you don’t have to navigate it alone.

If you’ve been feeling like you’ve “lost yourself” in motherhood, I want you to know this: you haven’t disappeared, you’re not broken and there’s nothing wrong with you. 

You’re in the process of transformation, and if you let it, it can be the most powerful transformation of your life.